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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Please Release Me, Let Me Go

Photo link: http://www.storypeople.com/

     My bail was set at $25,000. I had 10 felonies, yes 10!  I was hoping the Judge would “maybe please” let me out on my own recognizance. My hair was growing out silver; pretty if you like to look older than you feel. I think I’ve mentioned I had just turned 51 fifteen days before my arrest.  I was feeling very ugly in mind, spirit, and appearance. I’ve always been concerned with my looks. God forbid you don’t stay as beautiful as possible.  You see, I have always compared my looks with my worth. One of many disillusions I have. Not a happy way to live. I wanted to be TWIGGY from the 60’s. I thought she was It; and because of that, I ended up anorexic and bulimic. I’m still working on the eating issue. Heck I’m still working on everything about me and life. Ideally I’m still 13 years old.  That’s when I started drinking to run from reality; and as you can see it went further than that.
     So much I need to work on in my ripe young age!
     The Judge said, "I DON’T THINK SO!" (As far as for my own recognizance).
     I was devastated and when taken back to the POD, I begged the officer to hand cuff me to a pole outside so I could have a cig. (stay tuned for a story about another pole). PLEASE, let me have just one cig. ‘NOT So MUCH!  One of many phrases I picked up while on vacation.  I like to refer to my absence from life as a long vacation.  What are you suppose to say, the truth?  The truth will be very evident when you start applying for jobs. You play, you pay!
     Oh, the Places You’ll Go! Again, Dr. Seuss.  You must read that book!
     I went back to the break room, in tears.  I realized again how much trouble I was in.  I was scared…and felt as alone as a person can feel.  I couldn’t run to any of my quick fixes, other than eating everything in sight when chow was brought. But then I’d get FAT….NO….not happening! So, I fought daily to not have food be my only happiness. It’s funny how everyone seemed to be able to content themselves except me. 
     I never wanted to play cards much, except the game where you’d shuffle, split and the other person would count the cards and, with their list could tell you who was thinking of you, who loved you etc…It was fun to pretend.   
     I had a terrible time reading without glasses so I would hope to find large print books.   
     As some of you might know, there is just too much time to think of the mess you’re in and the eventual outcome.  I don’t mean to sound so un-funny in my writings but remembering it in sequences does bring on a SLUMP!  (More Dr. Sssss)
     OK, enough of that. Let’s see if I can find a positive ending for this blog. I think this is funny:  An addiction is anything that has more power over you than you do.  When you stop drinking, drugging, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started  you doing it in the first place.  Alright, not so funny.

Luv, Top Bunkie
If you can't laugh at yourself...who's gonna?
My sister did this to me.
The day of my release.
The Bubble is about to burst! Reality now.
Bubble burst, now to clean up the "mess"!


  1. Kotex in your shoes, hilarious! Great imagery. More, more, more..! Please.

  2. you were and are dearly loved and dearly missed for you my tragic sister I seek accountability Truth and the only justice left You wouldnt have died if the law school graduates hadnt lied Damn them and all thier creations Ill see you on the bright side of the road